WASHINGTON—In a comprehensive analysis of the nation’s media consumption habits, a report published Friday by the Pew Research Center found that most Americans now receive their news while holding their hands over their eyes and peeking out between their fingers.
OCEAN CITY, NJ—Noting the total absence of adults with any apparent role in local commerce, visitors to Ocean City, New Jersey, told reporters Friday that the economy of the vacation town seemed run entirely by overwhelmed high schoolers.
ALEXANDRIA, VA—Embarrassed by the piles of clutter in virtually every room, former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort reportedly spent the afternoon Wednesday making his house look presentable before the next predawn FBI raid.
WASHINGTON—Offering a stark and sobering assessment of the consequences of a military conflict with the nuclear-armed nation, the Central Intelligence Agency confirmed Wednesday that North Korea now possesses missile technology capable of reaching Sam Waterston’s house.
And if they need any support, they can also reach out to the parents of these 13 women—who are with Hollywood’s most notorious cradle robbers!
In fact, about half the time, his romances have ended when his girlfriends have hit that fateful mid-20s mark, aging out of Di Caprio’s love like they’ve hit the upper threshold on the kid’s menu at Cracker Barrel. In 19, he was partnered with Kristen Zang; they were both 22.
His next two girlfriends, Gisele Bündchen and Bar Refaeli, with whom Di Caprio shared his longest relationships, dated him while they were each 20 to 25 years old; Di Caprio was in his mid-to-late 20s and early-to-mid-30s, respectively.
ANN ARBOR, MI—Excitedly touting the toughness and perfect form that elevate it above the millions of blades he watches every day, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh spent a post-practice interview Thursday heaping praise on a blade of grass on the field that really impressed him.
PARK RIDGE, IL—At a ribbon-cutting ceremony held Tuesday on the steps of the recently completed 200,000-square-foot facility, Hillary Clinton opened a new presidential library and museum that commemorates the presidency she might have had if elected.